house_wren | Entries tagged with k-dramas

It's sunny. I saw a field full of robins. It being March, tomorrow the field will be filled with snow.

The oldest member of the family has died. This person had endured a difficult childhood and a great disappointment as a young adult. I think the disappointment never left. Still, there were some happier times and the death was quick and safe and with little suffering.

I'm not sure this person ever got to the point of "Things didn't turn out as I had hoped and I am okay anyway." Does anyone's life turn out as they had hoped? Perhaps?

Now that I am old and unwell I spend time doing nothing at all. Plenty of time to ruminate on how my life turned out, which was, of course, not as I had hoped it would. I have a lot of grief, a lot of uncomfortable feelings. When I try to discuss this with anyone, people try to talk me out of what I feel.

I don't feel heard. I think I need to meet someone old and ill who might be able to relate to me.

I spent a lot of time learning to 'behave,' to be polite, to fit in, to hide. It allowed me to pass for normal, but evidently it didn't work as well as I thought it did. What I thought was acceptance was often just being tolerated. I wish I had been able to be weirder, to be myself, to protect myself without having to focus on pleasing others so much. Now that I've moved to this country of impairment by illness, I want to find a way to be okay with myself and my situation. I want to be in reality. I want to not be distracted by people who don't actually care about me.

I finally saw an oral surgeon. He told me exactly what my dentist and the endodontist told me: there was a possibility I would need a procedure or that I would need my tooth removed. He saw no reason to do either at this point. If pain increases, I should return.

I won't be returning to his office though. Most of the staff seemed lifeless and unfriendly. The vibe of the office was alienating . . . deadening. My medical history was reviewed and I discussed being immunocompromised, but still I had to ask the assistant to wear the mask that she had in her hand. The dentist wore a mask - a loosely fitting surgical mask that he pulled off every time he spoke. What a ****.

It's exhausting to be ill and it's exhausting to have to constantly explain the vulnerabilities of illness and to have to request that people do the well known and simple actions that provide some protection.

I watched CAMPING VIBES on Viki and laughed again and again.

Today's perfume: Ambre Superfluide from the sample set by Les Eaux Primoriales. There are nine samples and only one that I dislike. (Couleur Primaire which smells exactly like laundry detergent.)

Current Music: psapp: Make Up

Down in the river valley, the morning temperature was -18F; up here on the hilltop it was -6F.

At the suet feeder: black capped chickadees, nuthatches, juncos, red headed woodpeckers, red bellied woodpeckers, downy woodpeckers, hairy woodpeckers, a pair of cardinals, a sparrow, and, once in a while, a blue jay.

Woke up today to a horrendous, vibrating noise coming from the furnace room. We just spent thousands on replacing a heat pump, so more trouble from the system is frustrating. It seems to be a fan that might have been disturbed by the work done on Thursday to replace some exhaust piping. Sigh.... We turned off the part of the system that uses that fan. We will still have heat and hot water, thank heavens. And the worker is going to be calling us back.

It is brilliantly sunny! This is my favorite winter thing: sunshine on snow. Glitter everywhere.

I know someone who strongly dislikes anything sparkly, as she sees it as unnatural. I don't understand this. And, unreasonably, it continues to annoy me. Has she looked at snow? Or the moon shining on the ocean? Or a day so cold it turns fog into crystals?

I'm watching the k-drama, THE UNDATEABLES, because there are many actors in it that I like. There are some of the usual tropes, but - hurrah! - there is no serial killer. Is that allowed????

Sorting through possessions creates chaos, which I dislike. I have to remind myself that it's temporary and that this project of getting rid of things in preparation for moving to a smaller home will not last forever. Eventually, the unwanted items will be gone, the house will be sold, etc. I look forward to that.

I have two cats. They seem not to understand how claws work; they constantly get their claws stuck in something (the scratching post, my sweatshirt, etc.) My older cat gets angry if I try to assist in unhooking her claws. How can cats not know how to properly use their claws? They pull towards themselves, which dig the claw in, rather than away, which would release the hook. Ack!

There's a shallow, circular depression in the snow near the house where a deer slept in the night.

Current Music: psapp

After the storm, the man that plows the drive worked all night & all day, and he was here late, near the end of his route. That's fine--one of the pleasures of being retired is not needing to leave the house. Tonight is another snowstorm.

Snow is clinging to the tall stem of a prairie plant, making it look like a pussy-willow.

I read some news. Then I felt afraid.

With some help, I sorted through shelves in the art room and now have a box of shuttles and sley hooks and heddles to give to one friend, and a carton of colored paper and card stock to give to another.

A few days ago, an owl sat on the bluebird house for almost an hour. The woodpeckers that come to the suet feeder flew near the owl again and again; the owl didn't seem to notice and the woodpeckers didn't seem to care. Eventually the local police--the crows--came by and they chased the owl down into the woods. "Nothing to see here; move along." Caw! Caw!

Neighbors got to see three beavers at the newest beaver dam which is about a mile down the gravel road from my house.

I finally got a full night of rest. I slept in the Swedish rocker. It's counterintuitive that this would work...a hard wooden chair. I've tried a soft bed, a hard bed, sitting up in the love seat and then in the used-to-be-super-comfortable chaise lounge; in all cases my neck and shoulder were too pained to let me sleep. In theory, I will get better if I do some particular exercises. So far I can only do a few repetitions at a time before the pain starts.

Rewatching The Fiery Priest (2019 k-drama) and enjoying it. There is a second series coming; it was announced on the SBS awards show. I always enjoy seeing Lee Ha-Nee.

This morning there was sunshine for a short while. Everything sparkled.

On New Year's Eve my neighbors had a bonfire with just a few friends. It was windy, but the fire pit was a bit off the top of the hill and so the fire behaved well. I wore my old coat. It's washable, but I'm enjoying the smoky scent it has now.

I went to orthopedics about my shoulder. Had xrays. Turns out, my shoulder is not the source of the constant pain that I'm having -- hurrah for that! The problem is (possibly) very, very tight muscles in my neck and upper back. I have a plan for self care and a referral to PT for when I want to go. If it's still not better, I have a referral to another speciality, fancy scans, etc.

Today for lunch we had a big bowl of berries topped with coffee gelato and shaved chocolate and chopped salty nuts and accompanied with amaretti cookies. Because we are adults.

For the first time, I watched lots of end-of-the-year k-drama awards on Viki. I don't know much about them, but they are different from shows like the BAFTAs or EMMYs in various ways. For example, each broadcaster does their own program. It's more an in-house promotion than a national competition perhaps. The clothes worn were beautiful, and not meant to shock or titillate. The short speeches the winners gave were full of 'thank you' comments, as expected, and many spoke of wanting to be a better actor. I generally dislike and avoid award shows, but I enjoyed these.

No snow. Just grey days. The drought will continue.

Current Music: Chief Kim OST

I feel so grateful for my weekly zoom group for rheumatic disease patients. I always feel lifted up by it. Which is saying a lot, since we are all in pain, on meds, getting gaslit by medical staff, etc etc etc.

The therapist I found has worked out. I met her in person a few times and now we can meet by phone, which makes it manageable. I am still filled with grief, but because she listened to me, I feel better. I've been able to use my imagination to help comfort myself and I've made some decisions about the future.

It was sunny today and there was snow on the ground, so it was gloriously bright.

I'm trying to watch HOTEL DEL LUNA, written by the Hong sisters, and I find it confusing even when I read the recaps on Dramabeans. I don't care about any character so perhaps I'm not paying enough attention. This is in marked contrast to how I feel about their show MASTER'S SUN, which I love and watch over and over and over. Obsessed by it.

Mostly I use Viki, but I also have Netflix. Netflix says I must upgrade the operating system on my 2 year old laptop in order to watch some shows. Not all shows, just some. I don't understand this. I hate updating my computer; it always causes problems.

I'm enjoying reading posts of people in my circle on Dreamwidth. I miss you when you are quiet.

Current Music: Master's Sun OST

First snow of the season today.

I felt anxious about the future.
I distracted myself by working on my perfume journal.
I washed some clothes by hand because the machine is not working. I find this easy to do.
I was sad.
I re-watched part of My Lovely Sam Soon.
I mopped the floor.
I whined to myself about my growing collection of ailments.
I entertained the cat.

1.
I have lost faith in the person who I have been closest to & I feel crushed.

2.
While cleaning up files on my computer I found this (probably incomplete) list of Wodehouse insults from PIGS HAVE WINGS that I wrote down a few years ago:

That hellhound
Deliberate and systematic viper
Sinister baronet
Looking like a stuffed frog
A rogue and a swindler
Old cockywax
Worlds worst twister
Incompetent ex-rodeen hockey knocker
Old so and so
Some ballybounder
A louse in human shape
That warthog

3.
I also found I had written down this conversation between the two leads in ANOTHER OH HAE-YOUNG:

HAE-YOUNG:
I'm really not the kind of person who speaks harshly. It's because I've briefly gone crazy. It was such a nice day so I think I'm becoming crazier.
I was going to gather the strength, and keep on living, but... but now I'm tired.
I wish someone would tell me, "That's nothing." "Getting dumped the day before your wedding is nothing."
You won't tell me that after all? You're really cold hearted.

DO-KYUNG:
How is that nothing?
It's a feeling like the world has given you a death sentence. It's a feeling like you've been ejected into space. After being kicked out into space, having to beg and cling to life. How can that possibly be nothing?
I am a man who got dumped the day of my wedding.
Really. You're down after one blow. After you rest a little you can get back up.

My situation is different (I've not been abandoned at the altar) but I relate so much to the feelings the characters express.

4.
That warthog

Current Mood: distressed
Current Music: Another Oh Hae-Young OST

Most k-dramas are long, usually 16 episodes & that often last for an hour. While there may be episodic elements, there is usually a story arc that carries throughout the show. Because I am not Korean, I don't understand various bits & this creates a secondary kind of mystery. I like everything about all of this.

When I was young, my favorite story was that of the four volumes of The Alexandria Quartet. It was long, it was confusing, it was full of things I didn't immediately understand. Much like k-dramas are to me now.

When I was in my 30s, my favorite book was the multi-volume masterpiece by Marcel Proust. Again, a long story with a big picture narrative, full of complications that were not easily grasped.

I liked for similar reasons John Crowley's quartet: The Solitudes, Love and Sleep, Dæmonomania and Endless Things. (His masterpiece, to me, though, is Little, Big.)

Other favorites: Terry Pratchett's Discworld, most of Jane Austen's work, & the Blandings books by P. G. Wodehouse. These are all set in a particular world the author has created, but are not quartets or trilogies.

I read all these over and over, like 'same food' but with books. & I found them all funny & serious at the same time.

Reading:
A History of Caricature and Grotesque In Literature and Art by Thomas Wright, 1875, published and printed in London. The book itself is falling apart. It's old enough to still use the letter f in places where we would us the letter s. There are illustrations which are 'drawn and engraved by F. W. Fairholt.' I found this book when I cleared out my mum's house. She had an interest in drawing caricature & had bought this at a used bookstore. Even in old age, after she lost most of her sight, she would draw strange little figures.

Nature report:
Big fluffy raccoon looking for bird's eggs in the field and bird seed under the feeder.
Coyotes howling at night.
Very noisy barred owls conversing in the woods near the house.
Trillium are blooming.

Watching:
Rewatching the k-drama VIP. If I enjoyed a show, I like to rewatch & see all the little details I missed the first time.

I like K-dramas but I dislike the ones listed as rom-coms that then have serial killers. How is that a rom-com? I'm not fond of tyrants or thugs either. I can just barely tolerate the Truck of Doom which seems like a lazy solution for a writer.

What I like are ensemble pieces, stories with a cast of characters.
Be Melodramatic: funny, serious, great music
Another Oh Hae Young: more great music, great cast
Chief Kim: SO GOOD!
Because This is My First Life: secondary characters especially great
Mystic Pop Up Bar: This might have been the first K-drama I saw so it holds a special place in my heart.
A Korean Odyssey: A flawed show but the ensemble is hilarious. The group chat!

Now I'm watching Matrimonial Chaos & enjoying seeing some familiar actors playing different types of characters, such as the beautiful 'faithful dog' from A Korean Odyssey in a main role.

I'm hoping to find something new to watch next. Something without serial killers, etc. Please advise.

Current Music: Be Melodramatic OST

Hello Dreamy Ones -

I have arrived here & am a bit overwhelmed.

When my brain & body allow it, I like to to read, to use pen and ink, to watch k-dramas, to knit, to crochet & to fall into rabbit holes. I spend a lot of time staring out the window because I am a spoonie. Also old. Also just spaced out.